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Most students on campus have expressed their deep loathing for using TESTUDO, University of Maryland’s official student services website, which provides nothing but unrelenting torment and anguish every time registration rolls around. But suddenly, like a gift from the gods themselves, a brand-new, much more streamlined alternative to the platform has descended from the heavens to grace all of campus: TURTLE.
TURTLE provides nearly all of the functionality of TESTUDO but without the lag, convoluted menu designs, or dreaded website downtimes. The website was formed as a startup by an unlikely alliance of information science and computer science students after both parties realized that fighting over which programming language was superior was stupid (it’s Python, by the way). In a brief moment of peace during the Great Shower/No Shower War of 2024, TURTLE was born.
TURTLE’s biggest selling point is that it makes registering for classes not feel like signing yourself up for your own demise; it removes registration blocks, registration time slots, and server lag for registration. The website also has cross-functionality with the student-ran course information website PlanetTerp, allowing students to see professor reviews and course averages before accidentally registering themselves for an inevitable D+ in a STEM major death sentence.
“TURTLE is dedicated to providing student services without the nasty inconveniences that other websites *coughTESTUDOcough* provide,” said TURTLE CEO and founder, Shelly Neverdown. “As a student myself, I felt that TESTUDO was very anti-student, so we focused on creating a university service platform that is by the students, for the students.”
The platform has seen extreme growth over the past few weeks, redirecting roughly 85% of TESTUDO’s usual daily traffic to the website, with the remaining 15% estimated to be clueless freshmen who have yet to figure out what the heck a waitlist is.
The University of Maryland Office of the Registrar has not released its official statement on TURTLE stealing nearly all of their website traffic, but insider sources report that director Ihate Studens was recently seen punching a hole in an office wall.
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