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ADELE H. STAMP STUDENT UNION – To make the most of their time while waiting in an abnormally long breadline at the Panera Bread restaurant this past Thursday, University of Maryland students arranged a spur-of-the-moment club recruitment fair spanning the balconies and ballrooms of the Adele H. Stamp Student Union.

The UMD location of the American casual dining chain has become well known for the viral anticipation of its Spring 2024 opening as well as its tendency to create clogged waiting lines, as well as clogged arteries. Where some stuck in the Thursday lunch queue felt impatience and exacerbated hunger, others saw an opportunity to promote the various clubs, groups, and secret societies they represented.

“By the end of this I’m not even gonna remember that I didn’t get my daily bread bowl before 4pm,” predicted UMD Lost AirPod Search and Rescue Club president Werma Podgo when interviewed live on scene by a Hare reporter. “Ten freshmen said they were interested in joining and would attend our first meeting next week. On average that means three of them actually will. That’s a record.”

Longtime members of the UMD community were quick to note the similarities of the spur-of-the-moment fair’s effects to that of the First Look Fair, an official event held annually during fall semesters that allows University student groups to promote themselves and garner more interest. Club recruitment has historically been more difficult during spring semesters since, according to all information available to the Hare at this time, no analogue to the First Look Fair exists for the spring.

“This is more of a Second Look Fair, at least it is in my opinion, because people only ever take a look for a second and then keep walking without making eye contact,” cynically observed Flannel Flanagan, a member of the UMD Friends of People Who Wear Their Pajamas to Class.

The impromptu event is being viewed as a highly successful interim club fair, and hopes are high it may inspire an official recurring spring semester fair in future years. High praise was given by the Hare’s own Managing Editor, who just wanted a warm panini for the love of God. Fortunately, they happened to have hundreds of Hare magazines on hand and were able to call in fellow Hare personnel to pass them out and recruit new writers and creators. If you want to join the Hare’s ongoing mission of factually unfactual reporting, but you missed us at the fair, don’t worry; you haven’t missed your chance.